Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Un-fair and lovely.


   Its my 17th birthday today. I did not want to celebrate, but Baba wanted to. I know, he wanted to put a smile on my face.  And, secondly, who would come for the party? You need 'friends' for that. So, I pleaded with Baba to drop the 'party' idea, which he thankfully did! Thank God for small mercies! Baba gifted me this diary "with 'whom' I am supposed to share my innermost thoughts and feelings." I wish he could bring back Ma instead.

                                                        _________________


College can be quite an ordeal. Ask me. All those taunts, those catcalls and those stares. Why do I have to go to college? I can very well do a correspondence course. But, Baba will hear none of it. He will never understand me and Ma will never be here to understand me. It can't get any worse than this, can it? One guy called me, "Blacky"! I wish I were born in an African family. Life would have been easier!  Ha ha... joke of the day!

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I made a friend. Finally! Shweta, the fair beauty. Irony, thy name is life!!
But, she is sweet and has a very good sense of humour and she too likes giving pet names to her people. So, I named her 'Milk Chocolate' and she named me 'Dark Chocolate'! I like it. And I love dark chocolates. So, the name is good. Sweet, actually!

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The way the guys stare at us. I mean, they stare at us, but they look at Shweta. Anybody would. She is really beautiful. I wish I had taken after Ma. Then I too would have been........Sorry, Baba, no offence meant.

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Our college celebrated 'Rose Day' today. I did not receive a single rose: not that I expected to. But, If Ma had been here, she would have sent me an entire bouquet!
Miss you, Ma. What am I going to do without you? And I am only 17. You should have taken your puppy along with you, na? Your pup's all lost, Ma......totally lost.

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Shweta met a guy- a nice guy...handsome and witty. I am really very happy for her. I wish I had been better looking. I too would have had a ......

Just finished using the nth tube of that damned 'Fair and Lovely'. And after using it for all these days, I am neither fair, nor lovely. Ha ha!! What a joke!!

                                                          ___________________

Swati got married. My first cousin and the first in line of a bevy of beauties in our family, excluding me, of course. I know, they call me UD- the Ugly Duckling. Asha aunty wonders who will marry me. I wonder if anyone will even look at me. Except Ma, of course, from up there.
 Miss you, Ma. Miss you so much!

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I secured the highest marks in my exams!!! Baba is.....well, he is happy, or so I feel, (Ma would have been over the moon!) My professors are happy too. But, good marks, or should I say, academic excellence needs the company of good looks to get a girl in people's good books! Wow! A budding writer?! But, who cares?

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Everything was so uncomplicated when I was a kid. Skin colour was an alien concept. And life was so beautiful.....full of fun and games. And all of a sudden, I grew up and now life is so lonely, Ma. Shweta is busy with her boy friend. The only friend I had. ..and she is now busy with better things. Baba is busy too...trying to bury himself in his work so that he can forget his sorrows. Does he blame me for your death, Ma? You left us on my birthday, na? I really don't understand. And, you aren't here to make me understand. The house is so empty: I can hear my heartbeat.
Feel very lonely, Ma. Very lonely. What should I do? I wish I could join you. There is really nothing to look forward to, Ma. I really want to join you, Ma....please.....

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Its 15th August today.  India gained her freedom on this day.
When will I?

                                                         ___________________

                                                     
                                                    

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